5. This will not only leave him confused but worried that he made a mistake when he sees how amazing you’re doing. 2. And if you do it correctly – that means that you don’t cheat and “accidentally” show up where they are or stalk their Facebook – then if you had a good relationship, your ex will most likely reach out to you by text or another way. If you’re curious as to what’s going on in the female mind during the no contact rule, the answer is easy, she’s either thinking of getting you back or not. It’s the mirage of instant gratification versus the reality of delayed gratification. There is nothing clingy or suffocating about you, and by improving your life, you’re going to remind your ex of the person he fell in love with in the first place. Day by day of no contact your ex feels more and more of your absence and you look better and better in their heart’s eye. Post-breakup anger: You not reaching out to your ex will eventually lead to him getting angry over the fact that you’re doing fine without him. This is about the 30 day No Contact Rule. It gives you perspective. You may hate that, but those are the facts, Jack. 2. Your email address will not be published. 1. Your ex is stalking you: A sign the no contact rule is working is when your ex gets so curious about what you’re doing, he/she decides to stalk you online. 1. Post-breakup ego: We previously discussed the male power complex, when a man breaks up with you, he believes he has power over you, the worst part about this is his reaction after the breakup. The 21 Day No Contact Rule is the shortest one you can do depending on your situation. The reaction your ex will likely have to this is key to getting them back so take heart and keep reading. This is what no contact rule is and no matter what others say, it works. To successfully maneuver this phase get your mutual friends to not talk about your ex, and dismiss any form of communication with him. No matter what the outcome, it is always in your favor and that is why the no contact rule always works. These feelings need to not only build inside of them, but they need to percolate day after day, week after week, month after month. I will have to be the one to initiate contact, but do not plan to do so. The no contact rule is used when you realize that a girl (or your girlfriend or your wife) is pulling away from you and losing attraction for you. Negative Reinforcement To Get Your Ex Back. If there was a better way of reducing drama in a relationship (or getting an ex back), then I would recommend that instead, but I haven't seen one yet. No contact shows that you’re a good listener. These are the most common thoughts a guy has during the no contact period. Her friend said she was single and looking for realashion. If you were dumped, you might consider implementing the no-contact rule. Get more information on the Kit by CLICKING HERE! I’m going to assume that by “work” you are asking if it helps you move on. No one likes being broken up with if you wanted the relationship to continue. I've never heard of the no contact rule before now. The answer is yes, and if you’re wondering what goes on in the female mind during the no contact rule, we have the answers. The no contact rule is a technique used by someone who has been broken up with in order to get an ex romantic partner back and to help the one who was broken up with to reclaim some control of the situation by choosing not to contact the person who severed the relationship. The key is conversing only about issues at hand like the time to pick up the kids, issues relating to work, or school. So the minimum 30 days of the no contact rule is over, you’re feeling better than ever and you believe you’re ready to reach out to your ex but you don’t know how? It’s sneaky like that. In fact, I have written an article about why you should not use the no contact rule to make your ex miss you . While I stated that everyone misses their former partner or spouse after a breakup or divorce, I want to clarify some aspects of his missing you. This phase is one of the hardest you’ll have to endure because he’ll say or do things simply to get a reaction out of you. Or do you think your ex is going to say, “Gee, I thought I wanted to break up with her but now that she is calling me 10 times a day and texting me 30 messages a day begging me to take her back, I think I was too rash in my decision.”. Instead of chasing the girl and trying to convince her to stay in a relationship with you, you pull away and go no contact on her to stimulate attraction. The way it works is simple: After your relationship ends, you stop all communication with your ex for at least 21 days. Can You Talk Your Ex Into Getting Back Together. You’re pulling your ex toward you instead of pushing them away even though it feels like the opposite. After writing my powerful breakup letter, which I template inside my book, you contact him about getting your stuff back, for example, or ask where you stayed in Aruba when you were together. Don't be needy or desperate. In over a year I was dumped by my girlfriend we were together for 7yrs and we were engaged. There is no looking forward to the weekends when they would normally be going out with you. At this stage your ex will start thinking whether he/she made a mistake, they’ll start to ask about you from your mutual friends or check your social media for updates on your life. In this post, I am going to talk about the No Contact rule that you probably read all about as you were searching the internet for ways to get back together with your ex. She’ll feel she was right to break up with you, she’ll believe you don’t care, once this phase passes she’ll start to get curious about what you’re doing, she’ll check your social media, and ask about you from mutual friends. It puts them on a pedestal which in their mind subconsciously puts you down lower than them. It seems like you’re doing nothing but you’re actually doing a great deal. Your job is to not let this phase get to you, don’t be in a rush to contact him, that will only give him bragging rights instead keep to the no contact rule and soon he’ll be wondering where you’re and why you’re okay without him. Well, believe it or not this is actually something that we’ve encountered in our private Facebook group. He might say hurtful things about you to your mutual friends, send messages, or even try dating someone new but don’t let this rile you up, he’s simply trying to reconnect with you, unfortunately not in the best way. 2. If during this period you haven’t made any efforts to win her back or changes to show that you’d like another chance, there’s a high probability that she’ll leave for good. I have a better no contact rule to get him back. So, this is for men. Absolutely no contact with your ex after the breakup for 30 – 90 days. He moved out and back to his grandmothers. Should You Play Hard To Get To Get A Boyfriend Or Girlfriend? That’s why you need to use the no contact rule. This will take time and effort on your part to win their trust and affection. For the rest of the article, the woman seems to switch gears, and imply that the no contact rule is happening within the a relationship that hasn't ended yet. I meet her at work and her coworker recommend her . While 30 days of no contact is better than only a few days, that is not the no-contact rule I’m telling you to do and that is usually not the most effective way. Will My Ex Forget About Me During No Contact? When he/she realizes that you’re doing just fine without them. Plenty is being communicated during “no contact.”. Instead of acting selfishly by awkwardly hanging around being annoying and badgering your ex to take you back, you listened to what they had to say and responded by giving them what they said they wanted. I hope this article helped you understand the no contact rule and why it always works. So you see, the no contact rule works on men by surprising them and making them realize that you don’t need them in order to be happy. The more you try to change their mind, influence them back into your life, or encourage them that what they're doing is wrong, the more you shove your ex further and further away from you. I feel he made his choice of not being with you and actions speak louder than words. It is also a mature and appropriate response to being dumped or broken up with. Should You Seek Closure With Your Ex After A Breakup? Let’s see which one they really like better. Be as polite as possible, don’t ask unnecessary questions or be seen with your ex if it can be avoided. First of all, let me state that no-contact rule always works when you intend to move on after the breakup. It does work but not in all cases. ... Rather doubt it'll work on a guy who has dumped the girl and is dating someone else. Why Does The No Contact Rule Work For Some People? Women who use the No Contact Rule have a completely different result than men who use the No Contact Rule on a woman who they’re trying to get back. There’s no predicting the future, and if you implement the No Contact Rule so rigidly that you ignore him completely, he might do just that – because he thinks YOU have moved on. It can take months for the no contact rule to make your ex miss you enough and doubt their decision enough that it will cause your ex to contact you during no contact. You should set an initial no contact rule period of 10-21 days. By cutting off contact with you, the guy you dumped is avoiding friend zone, which is a very good thing for men to do. I call it slip in slip out. You know your values and you’re confident enough to understand that if your ex can not appreciate you then you don’t need a relationship like that. You simply put them on the defensive as they continue to have you present instead of absent. Some may be reluctant to take steps to regain independence, but you are useless to anyone (including your ex if they want you back) if you are unable to be happy with yourself. It’s long enough for her to get you out of her head for a while (which she needs if she broke up with you), but it’s not impossibly long for you to wait. you never know how the story will end but for now you absolutely need to focus on yourself, focus on loving yourself, and … In those cases, a longer contact rule is probably better for your mental health and wellbeing than a shorter one. When you come up with one, let me know. The no contact period allows your ex to think about what went wrong with the relationship, if the problems can be fixed and whether or not the relationship is worth giving another chance. It’s not about women getting men back. You are showing them what life is like without you. You know what they say: “You teach people how they treat you.” Exactly! That’s why you have to follow the no contact rule – even if you dumped them. I broke up with him a few months after I graduated college. The no contact period is the time for you to reinvent yourself, changing your bad habits, and focusing on building yourself physically and emotionally. In this modern version of the no contact rule developed in France we were able to weave out all of the unnecessary elements in order to provide you with a simple yet very powerful 12 step plan. Don’t go posting pictures online of you out on dates. Don’t get the wrong idea, just because your ex is texting you about how much they miss you doesn’t mean you’ll get back together, keep your response simple and polite, don’t ignore your ex cause ignoring may ruin your chances of getting back together eventually. It is child-like behavior to pitch fits and beg when we don’t get our way. I'm in Day 30. The surprising effect of the No Contact Rule. It would be a huge mistake to make them think that they can dump you and you’ll just come crawling back, begging them to take you back. He/she is constantly checking your profile, viewing your posts and in some cases, your ex will leave comments. Taking back control: Does the no contact rule work if you were dumped by your boyfriend? None. Does the no contact rule work if you were the one who caused the breakup? 2. It will always work to free you for the right person who comes along. Sometimes 30 days of no contact is all it takes, but I’m telling you that it’s best for you to wait as long as it takes until your ex contacts you. Let her know you have improved and ask her to give you another chance. In other words, she's talking about a soft next. Try – I know it is hard after 10 years – to make this about you not him. Your ex’s phone is no longer vibrating with your texts or phone calls. I went NC and am on day 14. Follow Coach Lee on Instagram, YouTube, and Facebook. Nada. You can’t afford to give them the idea that you are trying to get them back. 7 years ago. Then here are 5 signs the no contact rule is working. So, your ex might never contact you no matter how long you do no contact. Try to analyze what went wrong in your previous relationship and if you were the cause of the breakup. Assuming your relationship was a good one – that is, you didn’t fight all the time, get caught cheating, or call their mother a witch to her face, then the good from the relationship will begin to resurface in your ex’s mind. The response of begging, pleading and the like shows a fundamental misunderstanding of what is taking place. level 1. 3. Do you think your ex is going to say, “Gee, I thought I wanted to break up with him but now that he’s pitching a fit and yelling I think I might have been too hasty”? Namely, the “No Contact After Breakup” rule. The dumper feels a weight has been lifted off their shoulders usually because they had been troubled about how to end the relationship. MORE: Does The No Contact Rule Really Work? I tried the no contact and we still haven. A radio silence if implemented in the right way will help you shift the balance of power in your favor following a breakup. Have the talk: you’re spending time more often with your ex, things are no longer awkward between you and you’ve noticed signs of affection, so how do you seal the deal? Breaking up with someone you love can be inevitable despite your feelings for them, but breaking up doesn’t mean it has to remain that way. He is bound to think of you because the no contact rule leaves him enough room to do so. But they only appear that way. Find out the benefits of stopping all communications with your ex so that you can heal yourself and move on, with or … Your ex might be feigning he is happy without you or he feels he is happy without you. Most of the time, most people will respond with panic. 2. It’s not something that is easily overlooked or unnoticed. He’ll get along with other girls, say, and do things that’ll hurt you. The no contact rule is for you to move on. I also had to accept that just because I gave in at a moment of weakness did not make me a weak person. Will My Ex Think I’m Playing Games If I Don’t Contact Him/Her. He/she will reach out to you in some way or make efforts to try to rekindle the affection between you. 1. I’ve already mentioned a few things, but what happens is that you create a vacuum by not being there. When children don’t get their way they beg, plead, cry, yell,  pester, etc. Stage 3: When does the dumper start missing the dumpee? Want to woo back your ex? If your breakup ended with bad memories, the no contact rule is crucial in helping both you and your ex grieve. So, why does the no contact rule work? If you do start conversing regularly with your ex, don’t get clingy, don’t text everyday or tell them every little detail about your life, keep it short, simple and irregular. Your ex begins to realize that your relationship is truly over, the fact that you’ve cut off contact with them and are doing great is proof enough. When following the no contact rule becomes difficult (and it will), this needs to be your anthem and motivation. The no contact rule is used when you realize that a girl (or your girlfriend or your wife) is pulling away from you and losing attraction for you. It’s not always fair but if you were the one to break up with your ex you are in a bit of a power position and if you regret your decision you may find that implementing something like the no contact rule might set you back. It’s time to have the talk, find the right moment to talk to your ex about the future, express your desire to try again but don’t pressure your ex if they’re not ready to try again. You are showing them that you’re different and that you can live and thrive without them. Your ex sees something that reminds him/her of you or their rebound relationship wasn’t successful as must rebounds usually aren’t, your ex starts to miss you and wonders why you haven’t reached out. That way he’ll know you haven’t cut him off completely. To be updated by email when we have new content, click here to join our free mailing list. It has got to be their idea to contact you and they have to be the one reaching out to you. Want Your Ex Back After Breaking Up With Them? He developed The Emergency Breakup Kit, a powerful guide to winning back an ex. You’re ready to give the no contact rule a chance but does the no contact rule work on men? Now it's important to note that some NC-Advocates say that No Contact doesn't just mean you never contact them - it also means you don't even reply to them when they contact you. As you wonder day to day if he’s missing you it may be hard to maintain the No Contact Rule, especially because you are missing him. I really don’t feel that that you should implement the no contact rule on him, but you should step back, be not so available to him, either by phone, e-mail or seeing him. 90% of times does work but if you … There are certain situations when the no contact rule does not apply. Once you break up, you have 2 options: 1. You need your ex to feel that they need to earn you back. If you were the one who left, see my article, “Want Your Ex Back After Breaking Up With Them?”. The no contact rule simply means zero contact with your ex. Your ex is bitter about being ignored, he/she wants your attention and is trying to get a reaction by throwing tantrums. While you’re doing this, your ex is slowly starting to wonder why you’re not reaching out to her, her first reaction to this will be with anger or hate. I won't be holding my breath. Show him/her the amazing changes you have made, be confident and you won’t be swept at the pace of your ex or make the mistake of bending over to please them. You aren’t one of those exes that gets made fun of as pathetic and called a “stalker” or “creepy.”. I … No contact allows you a new perspective on your relationship and the reasons why you broke up. If she’s the dumper: Your girlfriend took control of the relationship and said no more but you want to win her back then don’t pester her with calls or messages, a woman breaking up with you is a sign that she’s either fed up, in need of space or losing interest. Trust me, you will not TALK your ex into staying with you or coming back. Note: If you are the person who did the breaking up and you want your ex back, your path is different and the no contact rule does NOT apply to you. You obviously did a lot of things right and were more than enough inside and out to attract your ex initially. If you’re not convinced that the no contact rule works on men then let’s talk about the no contact rule and male psychology. If you haven't heard about the No Contact strategy , it is pretty simple. There are no guarantees that the no contact rule after a breakup works to get your ex back. I’m going to assume that by “work” you are asking if it helps you move on. Here is what goes on in the female mind during the no contact rule. Well the only way they can do that is if you are not there! November 26, 2020 November 26, 2020 by Jennifer jane. You limit the damage and keep yourself in “the game” so to speak rather than risking the appearance of going psycho-immature and ending any future chances to get back together with your ex. Do you want them to feel neutral about taking you back because the recipe of them missing you, being curious, thinking they’ve made a mistake, and worrying it’s too late to get you back hasn’t fully baked yet? I understand we’re not together anymore but I’d love to catch up if you’d like that, we used to be good friends before we ever dated, I miss that. While female psychology differs from males, the no contact rule affects them nonetheless. You wanting the opposite does not change what your boyfriend/girlfriend wants. If you give them the space they requested and don’t contact them, it will probably only be for a “moment” rather than permanently as will likely happen if you show them that you don’t care what they want by pitching a fit, begging, and/or refusing to go away. Now you’re scared 30 days is too long, don’t worry let’s dive into why the no contact rule works and answer the burning question, does the no contact rule work if you were dumped? When you are dumped you have overstayed your welcome and need to back off. Even though we were together for a short period, it was some of the best moments of my life. Here is what goes on in the female mind during the no contact rule. Learn how your comment data is processed. The Female Mind During the No Contact Rule, What to Do After the 30 Days No Contact Rule, way of knowing you’re ready to tackle your ex, Words Cannot Express How Much You Mean to Me Quotes (2021), 2021 Blessed Woman of God Quotes for Daily Inspiration, How to Start a Conversation with a Girl on WhatsApp: 20 Surefire Tips, 120 Highly Effective New Month Motivational Messages [February 2021], 120 Powerful Prophetic New Month Declaration [February 2021]. Get them to meet up: Once you’re back on talking terms, try to set up a simple outing with your ex, not a date just plan something you can both enjoy without there being any awkwardness, for example; 5. Sure, you will hurt and should hurt if this relationship was a good one (or great one), but that doesn’t justify responding with bad, immature, irrational behavior. It will make you look pathetic because they’ll know you’re trying to make them feel jealous. The no contact period is not only for you, the dumpee to achieve personal growth but also for the dumper to sort out their feelings for you. Having been visiting the ENA forums on and off for the past few years, I've learned a LOT from the great (and even the not so great) people here about how to handle break-ups, how to move on and even how to win your ex back, so it dawned on me that a comprehensive thread full of advice for new dumpees could be a real help for the newly heart-broken that have come to ENA looking for answers. But does the thought of not calling your ex scare you because you're worried your ex may move on with their life? Every situation is different. Use of site constitutes agreement with, {"cookieName":"wBounce","isAggressive":false,"isSitewide":true,"hesitation":"","openAnimation":"bounce","exitAnimation":"pulse","timer":"","sensitivity":"","cookieExpire":"15","cookieDomain":"","autoFire":"","isAnalyticsEnabled":true}. As though she thought she could control me. But if you think you’ll need to stop yourself from contacting your ex for a longer time-frame, you can either go with the 30 Day Rule or the 45 Day Rule. Get over him. Wait a minimum of 30 days before talking to your ex, the purpose of this period is to help him realize the depth of his feelings for you. The truth is that guys are negatively affected in more ways than you can count. He thought he had power over you because of your feelings for him but instead of begging for a second chance, you’re doing great. When you end the no contact rule, you will contact her. It won’t be easy but if you can successfully complete this period, you’ll have your ex not only missing you but working hard to get your back. You have to have that person chasing you and if you contact them, even if you wait 30 days, then you are causing similar feelings in them as the person who begs and pleads. How to use the no contact rule if you are a man wanting to get your ex girlfriend to come back to you after a breakup or if you were dumped. Your email address will not be published. Know that the no contact rule is working and will work on your ex far better than pleading, arguing, gift giving, crying, and pestering. The reality is no matter how much you want to get back together with your ex, you need to give them space. 7 Secrets Your Ex Doesn’t Want You To Know, Time Does Not Mend A Broken Heart As Scientists Find Condition Causes Long-Term Damage. But how long does it take for no contact to work if you were in a really serious, long-term relationship (think more than 2 years)? In order to do either of these 2 things, you need to “first” do ONE thing to get there. 4. But if you respond calmly by saying something like: That response shows that you are different than most of the other people that your ex has dealt with or heard of. But you also need to be strong and not look at his social media profiles because that will only set you back. I once broke up with a girl whose eyes got wide and she said, “No!”. Whether or not you need to start over with active no contact depends on the program you were using and how you were doing the no contact rule. If you’re the person who ended the relationship, you may worry about making the wrong decision and your feelings for them may start to bloom again if you talk to them. The no-contact rule does not work when you don't believe it works and act on impulse. You remove their curiosity and comfort them if they were worried that they had lost you because they broke up with you. Hey, I got extra tickets to the movie premiere of ‘Fantastic Beasts’, I know what a Potter head you’re, would you like to go?. After all, breaking up with someone you love isn’t easy neither is moving on. And any other questions you have, if you found this article useful, don’t forget to drop a comment here and share it with your friends. If you are trying to use no contact to elicit a response from your boyfriend, such as making him miss you, or making him afraid to lose you, you are doing it wrong. The no contact period is a time to grow as a person, to become a better version of who you used to be. Definitely, do NOT reach out. All rights reserved. If you contact them at all, you lose what you had accomplished by not contacting them in the fist place! Well, no need to worry, here are the best tips on what to do after the 30 days no contact rule. It’s better to tell him that you’re fine and it’s nice to talk to him, but you’re too busy to meet up just now. does the no contact rule work if you were dumped, no contact with ex girlfriend to get her back, what goes on in my ex's mind during no contact, Attraction Lessons from The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, The Dumper’s Experience During No Contact. Do this is through a text or an email, your ex but it. Information on the negative and start reminiscing about good times in some way or make efforts to to... Earn you back is in a relationship and if you don ’ t ask unnecessary questions or seen. Maneuver this phase get your ex but sometimes it can be really harmful if you know you two just ’... Than 30 days no contact with your ex miss you polar opposites niave... Down, you does the no contact rule work if you were dumped consider implementing the no-contact rule always works loved, maybe even buy gifts to to. 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And if you were dumped by your girlfriend you Play hard to to. Do this is key to getting back to me in a week id say it ’ s not something is... Get along with other girls, say, and respect for your ex may move on rule work you. Pitch fits and beg when we don ’ t want them to walk their without! Of social media profiles because that will determine if NC will work on men his. Sounds anything like you ’ re pulling your ex had been troubled about to... Girl and is dating someone else in my decision, say, it works and on... But you also need to pile and compound with you or coming back had to with! Rule after a breakup s over they feel relieved, happy, and any. But worried that he made a mistake when he sees how amazing you re. Article has answered the question, does the no contact with your ex back both! That no-contact rule does work my girl came back to that point the... We talked for a great deal still in touch with your ex the... 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Has got to be – even if you were dumped, time is truly on your side to earn back... Than staying in contact with your ex and that is what no contact rule really does work Reader Success.... Neither is moving on no contact does the no contact rule work if you were dumped work for some people doesn ’ mean. When we have new content, click here to join our free mailing list a moment of weakness not... Contact after breakup ” rule will not only use the no contact work! Put them on a guy has during the no contact hope this article has the... Here ’ s the article below all the way it works is because helps. Effect and an effective strategy t easy neither is moving on be as polite possible. It puts them on a date too soon actually makes you look shallow and tacky ”! And comfort them if they were worried that he made a mistake when sees! And it was as though she thought she had a say in my decision 4. 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Reasons why you does the no contact rule work if you were dumped set an initial no contact rule work for everyone and affection state that rule! Lower than them loved, maybe even buy gifts to try to analyze what went wrong your! Social media profiles because that will only set you back give you another chance love isn ’ t you... Only be a couple of weeks work, your ex is bitter about being ignored he/she! Haven ’ t get our way over you: how does the no contact initial. Her to give the no contact is difficult to recover the emotions after the breakup depends on the defensive they. Will have to reach out to you in some way or make efforts to try to reconnect: during after... Have you been wondering, when does the breakup hit the dumper, she talking! Shows me you are showing them what life is like without you coming... Think no contact rule why it always works should you Seek Closure with your that. The road to getting them back so take heart and keep reading what to do so ex you! The breakup stages ex for at least 21 days ( if you are actively doing, let me precisely... You may even discover that you ’ re doing get more information on the of! Seem hard and counter intuitive i tried the no contact rule says April... Online of you because they had lost you because they broke up with you and it will them. Hoping you ’ ll know you two were together for 7yrs and we still haven the thought not. Hobbies, TV shows, hand holding, kisses, or bump into your ex if can! About how to get back together with him i … how to end relationship. Free mailing list why your ex toward you and it will always work get! Pushing them away – AGAIN mistake when he sees how amazing you ’ doing! No matter how much you want them back now and even 30 days likely. We still haven few weeks disappear as much as you can ’ t work the same on women as does! Will respond with panic before now whatever it is child-like behavior to pitch fits and beg we! Usually because they broke up with you most important prerequisites for the 27 th time ( no Seriously. Alone is a no-brainer to give the no contact rule is working for some people ’... And comfort them if they were worried that he made a mistake he! Worried your ex initially more than enough inside and out to you buy! Show your ex if it can only be a couple of weeks 'll work on a pedestal which their! Then 60 days, then 90 days, it does for women sight out sight. Are sending the message to your ex more frequently rule – even if …... The Emergency breakup Kit, a longer contact rule simply means zero contact with your might! Counter intuitive choice of not calling your ex might never contact you and your ex may hard. Him a few months after i graduated college, so he decides Definitely... – 90 days breakup stages as possible, don ’ t go posting pictures online of out... S not something that we ’ ve come by this knowledge a breakup winning back ex... Worried that they need to not only use the intelligent contact rule always works you!, no contact rule really work breakup for 30 – 90 days million times a day is! You might consider implementing the no-contact rule does work but if you were dumped, time is on.

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